Monday, July 28, 2014

Birthday Blues

For my next trick, I'll teach you how to ruin someone's birthday.
Husband celebrated his birthday last week. Normally, I'd say we celebrated Husband's birthday, and I guess technically we did, only not with him.
Let me explain.
Generally, in our house when there's a birthday, the person aging by a year chooses a meal and a type of cake. Since Husband doesn't typically eat dinner with us, I chose the meal for him. Well actually, the ingredients I had on hand were the deciding factor.
Not such a big deal because he wasn't going to eat it anyhow and I still made his choice of cake. He didn't specify an ice cream flavor, so I just grabbed a random carton that looked good at the time. He's not picky, or he'd have made his wishes known, right?
So the cake's made, dinner's been eaten, the ice cream is all icey and creamy in the freezer, and still, Husband isn't awake yet. The kids are begging for their treat like it's their collective birthday, and finally he awakens just in time to be harangued by everyone about eating the damn cake.
He's awake but not yet out of bed when everyone goes traipsing into our room like it's Grand Central Station. As an aside, I have serious issues wit kids in my bedroom. Husband has no such issues, so when he's home it's like the damn family room and when he's gone it's like Fort Knox because they have their own freaking rooms and while Husband will go hang with them in their rooms as well, I find this behavior bizarre and think we should all just stay out of each other's bedrooms. But that's another topic.
The kids leave our bedroom, and I'm bringing him coffee and we're chatting, and he says "You guys might as well go ahead and eat the cake without me." I'm all "Are you kidding me? It's your birthday cake." and we laugh and he doesn't tell me he's kidding.
This, my friends, is where the problem starts.
You see, I can be very sarcastic but I also have a problem with not being able to understand sarcasm coming from others. I'm like, deficient in catching unspoken clues. Tone of voice, body language and whatever other nonverbal clues normal people use to communicate with others are completely lost on me. If you want me to pick up on something, being subtle about it isn't going to net you the results you're looking for.
So Husband told me to serve the cake without him, and while I thought he was an insane person, I still went ahead and served the cake without him.
For the record, he was kidding, ate his cake alone, and we both ended the night feeling pretty damned bad- him because it was like an un-birthday, and me because I ruined his birthday.
I'm a terrible wife.